The Most Useful Life Coaching Skill – How to Deal When Things Don’t Work Out

By Guest Blogger: Terena Barajas

This is a story about what has turned out to be for me, the most useful life coaching skill (aside from ahem, knowing how to be a life coach!). A few weeks ago I organized my first solo speaking gig. Excited after having finished yet another successful talk with another coach I had partnered up with, I had immediately set about renting a space and announcing my own talk. An issue very close to my heart that I was sure would attract many women.

I wanted to finally talk about weight and body. I wanted to tell them why their dieting was never going to work. I wanted to share with them what they need to look at. How they needed to look inward, to heal and then to love in order to be happy. How the outside would follow. I wanted to share how this had been my experience. I was also going to give them a free tapping sequence for this. I had a blast designing the poster. This was going to be great.

And then no one showed. The talk was at 6. I started to get a few messages from people that they weren’t going to make it. By 6.20 I realized it wasn’t going to happen. I packed up and left at 6.30 and ran into one person on the way out. Sorry, wasn’t going to do a 2-hour talk for one person.

I was confused, a little relieved (because I was nervous) and …get this… I was only a little disappointed!

This, I’ve learned, is truly the most useful life coaching skill I have in my arsenal of coaching skills. It is that I’ve learned to NOT get too down about perceived set-backs.

In that moment, I understood the real importance of this skill especially if you´re your own boss. But honestly, this skill can help you release frustration, anger and disappointment with the outcome of any project in any line of work.

The power behind this skill is to ask a few questions, let it go and try again in a new way. I’d love to share this with you today. It´s a skill I am trying to cultivate in my personal life too!

The four key questions to ask when things in work don’t turn out how you expect and what the answers were for me:

1. What part did I play in this? Our thoughts, fears, emotions and energy about something always have an impact on how that something turns out. I was nervous, worried and did not spend as much time as I would have liked preparing this talk.

Without taking blame in a bad way, I do recognize that my fears and concerns did not allow me to have the chilled attitude I have had in shared talks in the past that turned out really well.

2. Can I not take this personally? Despite the previous question, I also recognize that I cannot control everything that happens in the world. I am therefore not responsible entirely for people not showing up. I choose to not take it personally and to apply these questions and move on.

This needs to be a conscious choice otherwise it would really crush me and that’s no good for everything else that needs to be done.

3. What can I learn here? A few things came to mind here…
   • Maybe the topic was too much for a society that cares a great deal about bodies and appearance and perhaps does not want to discuss this in public.
   • Maybe I still need the pulling power of a more experienced partner.
   • Maybe I still need to connect more with my “tribe” before I can be assured they will come to any event I’m in.

This is all good because it’s stuff I’m doing anyway. So I just need to keep doing it.

4. What’s good about this? This is one of the simple questions that has changed my life.

There is ALWAYS something good. When I decided to leave, I took my friend who was helping me out with the event for dinner. We had a great time catching up but we also got to talking and it was great to hear her perspective on what had happened.  She also brainstormed with me on some new ideas I’ve had and gave me an amazing new product idea that is totally aligned with the work I’ve been doing.

I didn’t get the turnout I expected, I didn’t make any money (in fact I had to pay for the room anyway), but I got a solid idea from my friend that may give me much more if I make it happen.

There will be no-shows. There will be launches that fail to launch. There will be calls where the only people on will be your 2 best friends and your mother.

Keep going. Add this moment of reflection to your life coaching skills and watch how things shift.

There will be successes. There will be moments of pure inspiration. When you have those moments of feeling so connected to your purpose you will forget all the times nobody showed. I do.

I would love to know what your most useful life coaching skill is! Share with me here below!

By Guest Blogger: Terena Barajas

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