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Is The Story Of Your Identity Holding You Back? (Guest Post by Coach Alisha Soper)

August 12th, 2013 | no comments

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Is The Story Of Your Identity Holding You Back? (Guest Post by Coach Alisha Soper)

 

What if the stories we have used to define our identity have been wrong all along?

Childhood memories are totally a huge well of identity forming experiences, some silly and some very serious. And quite honestly the realities that we accepted and used to define our sense of self when we were 7 years old is quite different than the reality we currently reside in as adults. And yet, I for one, most definitely get caught up in the “I can’ts”, and the “that’s not me’s” and the “well it never worked before’s” of my childhood. For example…

I was in first grade and terrified of being called on especially if the question involved math. And yet one day, the moment I had been dreading, had arrived.

“Alisha! What is 3+3?” My teachers voiced boomed in his thick Austrian accent.

“Umm… ” I was frozen with fear. “Six?” I responded cautiously.

“Yes, that is right.” And with that response I breathed a sigh of relief.

My friend sitting next to me leaned over and said “You counted on your hands!”

“No I didn’t!” I whispered.

What was important about this seemingly unimportant day in 1st grade you ask? Well, I was shy and very VERY afraid of authority, so much so that I left 1st grade with head aches and even migraines almost every day and often got sick with the flu and had the ever charming habit of biting my nails.

All because I was scared shitless of my teacher and so scared to do anything wrong or get in trouble.

And I was so scared in fact that I couldn’t absorb any of the lessons being taught to me. So when I was called on to answer a dreaded math question it was a miracle I didn’t pee myself. And yet the answer came to me. And low and behold it was right! And NO I did not count on my fingers!!

Are you still asking what is the point of this story? The point is wrapped up with identity, which happens to be what we have been studying in Mentor Master Class with Coach Jey. And Identity is a fickle beast indeed and also SUPER interesting.

I am sharing this little story about 6 year old scared little Alisha because it is the source of a MAJOR “Ah-ha!” moment for me. You see, I have ALWAYS identified this story as a negative. I didn’t know HOW I got the answer right and there for it was a bad thing. This little philosophy has crept its way into a lot of other areas of my life.

I don’t know HOW to find a better agent. I don’t know HOW to write this blog. I don’t know HOW to organize a business plan.

Are we seeing a theme here?

Yes, I have been totally frozen from action many times because I have been so freakin worried about not knowing HOW.

What spurred my “Ah-ha!” moment was in my partner coaching session with another Life Coach in the Mentor Master Class Program.

When digging into some accountability, this story about not knowing how I got the answer but I blurted it out anyway, came up, and my brilliant partner said “So, what you are saying is you had a moment where you didn’t know and yet you answered and got it right.

Isn’t that a good thing?”

To which I said “Oh…………..um…… yeah…. I guess it is. Huh…” I know profound response huh?

And then things started to shift.

A piece of my story that I have identified with my whole life and thought of as a defining time in developing my identity, was blown wide open.

It seems small yes, but its actually pretty big. In the moments in my life when I have trusted my intuition and just answered, I pretty much always get it right. When I have wanted to draw a picture or paint something my whole life I was able to do it, however when I would worry about HOW I was going to draw a horse, the horse that I could draw the day before, somehow it didn’t look quite right.

My lesson and my “Ah-ha” is that perhaps my strength lies, not in the how as a lot of linear instructions have brainwashed me to believe, but in trusting that I have the answer even if I’m not quite sure what it is.

And I think that is quite beautiful.

I think it is a good reminder for us all as human beings.

We can just try, just show up, just open our mouths and say “six?”, and by simply showing up and trusting our instincts we will be on the right path.

I honestly believe that we have knowledge that most of us aren’t even conscious of. We absorb so much in our life times that get filed away into our subconscious that perhaps if we just show up with openness and willingness, the answers will just come to us when we let go of the “HOW”.

Take a moment and think back to a defining moment of your child hood and try to look at it with new eyes.

Do you have a memory that you have always filed under the category of “suckville” that is actually “awesome sauce” ? I think you probably do. If you are feeling brave share below.

 

alisha

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