I Have A Confession

I have been feeling sorry for myself, sometimes it is necessary to wallow and slosh around in your inner muck, but then you have to pull yourself out of it or else you will get stuck in that ever addicting downward spiral of negative thinking.

Part of my recent bout of feeling yucky was due to feeling like I had no friends.

Yep, ladies and gentlemen I was sloshing in my inner mud puddle of my insecurities. And I felt left out, like a 14-year-old who wasn’t invited to hang out with the cool kids. True story. So, I have began asking my self how do I actually show up and RSVP to my life if I don’t feel like I was ever invited?

In Mentor Master Class we have been focusing on the specific techniques that Coach Jey has created and formed into her very own RSVP Method and Invite to Your Life Coaching.  I have been sworn to secrecy on the details (you’ll have to join the program to learn more.) *wink wink nudge nudge* But let me tell you, it is a pretty awesome approach. So how can I feel so freakin’ left out and losery when I’m in the midst of learning the RSVP Method?

What Am I Doing Wrong?

Cut to last Thursday night, I was out at a meeting that included a bunch of my friends and while I was catching up with one friend she confided in me that she had cried this week because she was feeling like she had no friends. To which I over enthusiastically responded “ME TOO!!

I totally cried about not having friends this week too!!” Then a day or two ago someone else expressed how alone they felt and sad that they were having trouble connecting with people and making new friends. I usually don’t have a problem with being the one to reach out to people and make plans, I love sharing things with the people I am close with, however sometimes my ego mind steps in and says really helpful things like “Why are you the only one reaching out to people? If you didn’t reach out I bet you wouldn’t hear from anyone.”

And so I fall into the trap and listen to my ego, and not surprisingly I don’t hear from anyone. And I end up feeling terrible.

What to do When You Feel Left Out And Disconnected

1. Remember you are not alone even when you feel super alone. To maintain a connection sometimes we have to be the ones to reach out at times when we feel like we want someone else to reach out to us. People tend to get all wrapped up in their own stuff, so much so that they forget to check in with the people that they care about. So if your best friend hasn’t called you for two weeks it is likely because she is totally stressed out with her own stuff and wondering why she hasn’t heard from you.

2. Listening to your ego mind will always, always lead you down an awful road to Feeling Like Crapville. How do you know if you are listening to your ego mind? Well, it is simple, all of those “I’m not good enough”, “no one likes me” type thoughts are your ego mind. So when you find yourself getting sucked down the whirlpool of insecurities and negative self talk take a moment and see if this thought is making you feel better or worse. If the answer is worse, then change it. “No one likes me” can become “I make strong connections and people love spending time with me.” When the not so nice thought starts playing on repeat start replacing it with the kind loving thought.

3. Invite yourself to Your Life. It is simple. If you want something you have to be the one to invite it into your life. Show up for yourself first and then invite others to do the same. Coach Jey has invented an entire coaching and coach training program around this idea. The key principles that make up the RSVP Method are Restore, Simplify, Verify, and Power. Figure out what you want from those connections and try putting more of those types of actions into your current relationships, I bet you’ll start to receive some of them back.

4. Social networking sites are not real life. They just aren’t and let’s be honest when we compare it leads to despair. I know I don’t tend post pictures of my depressing bank statement or post a status about my allergy attack. And the people who are over share-ers are the people who are most annoying. Right? But what do we do when we are bored? We look at pictures and status updates and tweets and think “Oh god when did she get so skinny?”, or “Look at those friends out to dinner, wait they never invited me?”, or “I didn’t know she was having a Birthday party tonight!” … Catch my drift? No good can come from that. Just simply remind yourself that people selectively post and share what they want to validate what they want you to think their life is like. So take a deep breath and let it go. And remember that they probably had really bad gas that they didn’t post about but they did post a picture of their awesome looking cheese pizza and hot boyfriend.

It’s so funny to me that as a “grown up” and a Life Coach I still get my panties all in a bunch about not being invited to something or not hearing from a friend. But it makes sense when we consider that as human beings we crave community.

And sometimes we have to be the ones to create the community that we want.

Invite Ourselves And Create The Lives We Want

I think it is so important in this age of social media and texting and easy access to each other’s lives on a surface level that we remember to take time out to invest in those relationships that mean the most to us.

It is ok to ask for what we need, even when we feel like we are regressing back to our 14-year-old selves.

Because by asking for what we need we might just make someone else feel included by reaching out.

I have a hunch that there are quite a few people out there who have felt similarly to me.

Prove me right, and right share your experiences in the comment box below!

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